The Bench Report Awaits

This ain’t just a newsletter—it’s a revival. A resurrection of every sideline dream you buried under PTA meetings and orthopedic inserts. Every week, I step into the metaphorical locker room of your inbox and deliver a sweaty, tear-stained pep talk disguised as motivational gospel.

We’re talking tragic victories, nostalgic breakdowns, unsolicited stretching advice, and exclusive access to the kind of wisdom that can only come from a man who never emotionally recovered from JV tryouts.

But that’s not all, rookies.

Subscribers get early dibs on merch drops, secret discounts, and exclusive content you won’t find anywhere else—not even scrawled on the back of the bleachers in faded Sharpie.

You want first access to the shirt that screams “Undefeated in ’99”? You want the real story behind the whistle? You want to win the big game of life without even getting off the bench?

Then subscribe.

Because like I always say:
“You don’t warm up for the newsletter. The newsletter is the warm-up.”

This is The Bench Report.
And your legacy starts when you open it.