Privacy, Kinda

Let’s be clear—we’re not in the business of selling your data. We’re in the business of selling your past back to you, printed on emotionally unstable apparel. That said, here’s what you’re agreeing to by existing here:

What We Collect

We collect the usual stuff:

Your name (probably not your nickname from '97)

Your email (so Coach Gary can shout into your inbox)

Shipping info (so we can deliver the memories)

Your purchase history (for psychoanalysis)

Website behavior (so we know what kind of emotional collapse led you to click “add to cart” at 2AM)

What We Do With It

We use your info to:

Ship you things that hurt in a good way

Email you once in a while, not constantly—Gary hates his own newsletter

Improve the site for future emotionally fragile users

Make sure no one else takes credit for your tragic middle school legacy

What We Don’t Do

We don’t sell your data. Not to third parties. Not to shady ad guys.
We’re too emotionally exhausted for all that.

How We Protect It

We use reasonable security measures (read: internet lockboxes and adult supervision). If someone does break in, we’ll notify you and cry with you. Probably in matching hoodies.

Your Choices

You can always:

Opt out of marketing campaigns (Gary won’t take it personally)

Request your data

Delete your account, though let’s be honest—you’ll be back

In Short:

We take your privacy seriously, in the way that a retired PE teacher takes whistle storage seriously. Not flashy. Just honest.
You came here looking for closure. We’ll protect the digital version of that, kinda.