Emotional (Order) Support

You ordered something. You waited. You panicked. We’re here.

Whether your package got lost in the void (the mail system or your past), something arrived wrong, or you’re just staring at a t-shirt wondering “Why did I do this?” — we’ve got you.

This is customer support. But with feelings.

Common Issues We Handle (and sometimes fix):

“Where’s my order?” (Probably en route. Maybe emotionally delayed.)

“I got the wrong item.” (Did you, or is this a metaphor? Either way, we’ll help.)

“I need to return this.” (We accept conditional returns for physical items, not emotional ones.)

“This shirt is the wrong size.” (We believe in second chances and size exchanges.)

“Coach Gary didn’t sign my certificate.” (He rarely does. He’s complicated.)

What We Can’t Fix:

Your personal gym class trauma

Middle school ego wounds

Vivid dreams about the 2003 county semifinals

Coach Gary-related hauntings (physical or spiritual)

Reach Us:

Email: [email protected]
Please include:

Order number (real one, not your jersey number from ‘97)

What happened

A little patience—we’re a small team with big emotional baggage

Response Time:

We usually respond within 1–3 business days.
Faster if you say something like “I peaked in dodgeball and I need help.”